WHEN TO USE
Use in any conversation where you feel yourself getting reactive, such as when you’re receiving feedback, navigating tension with a peer, or hearing a direct report bring you a problem.
WHAT TO DO
As the other person talks, take notes in three columns: Facts, Feelings, and Values (what they’re protecting or afraid of losing). Reflect back what you heard in each category and ask, “Did I get that right?” Then ask one stakes question, like “What’s the part of this you don’t want me to miss?” before you move into solving anything.
