By Dr. Travis Bradberry
When things arenât going quite the way youâd like them to, itâs often the result of not asking yourself the right questions. Some questions are hard to confront because youâre afraid you wonât get the answer you want, others because you really donât want to know the answer.
But the best things in life donât come easily, and turning away from lifeâs toughest questions is a sure path to mediocrity. I believe that Socrates said it best:
Life, like business, runs on questions, not answers. Letâs take a closer look at some of the tough questions we should be asking ourselves regularly.
1. How do people see me differently than I see myself?
Have you ever heard a recording of your voice and thought, âIs that what I really sound like?â Because of the way the sound of the voice travels through the human skull, we never hear ourselves the same way that everybody else hears us. The same is often true for the way we behave. We interpret our behavior in terms of how we think we come across, whereas everyone else sees the real thing. A 360° assessment is a great way to gain this perspective. It gathers feedback that is constructive, anonymous, and accurate. If you forego the 360 and solicit feedback in person, make certain you ask for feedback that is specific, avoiding broad questions and generalizations. For example, youâre more likely to get an honest and accurate answer to, âHow well did I handle myself in the meeting when everyone disagreed with me?â than to, âAm I a good boss?â And be careful to show that youâre receptive to the feedback. If you flip out or get defensive every time somebody speaks their mind, theyâre going to stop doing it.
2. What/whom did I make better today?
Thatâs another way of saying, âLeave things better than you found them.â Ending each day by asking yourself what or whom you made better is a great way to keep yourself grounded and focused on what really matters.
3. Am I being true to my values?
Do you ever get that nagging feeling that something is a little off in your life? This often happens when little behaviors creep up on you that violate your values. If spending quality time with your family is one of your primary values, but you keep staying late at work, thereâs a conflict. If you want that nagging little voice to go away, youâre going to have to do something about it.
4. If I achieved all of my goals, how would I feel? What can I do to feel that way as I work to achieve them?
The ability to delay gratification in pursuit of your goals is one of the most fundamental prerequisites for success, but delaying gratification doesnât have to mean being miserable until you cross that finish line. You can achieve moreâand have more fun doing itâif you let yourself feel some of that pride and pleasure along the way.
5. What havenât I taken the time to learn about?
Itâs a big world out there, and itâs getting bigger all the time. Scientists have theorized that it once took 1,500 years for the accumulated knowledge in the world to double; now it only takes a year or two. Donât get caught behind.
6. In what areas of my life am I settling?
When you settle, you accept less than youâre capable of. Sometimes we settle in dead-end jobs. Other times we settle for unhealthy relationships. If you donât ask yourself where and why youâre settling, itâs hard to stop it.
7. What do I want my life to be like in five years?
Lewis Carroll once said, âIf you donât know where youâre going, any road will take you there.â The corollary is that, once you have your destination in mind, you can plan your route. Five years is the perfect timeframe: Itâs not so far in the future that you canât imagine yourself there, but itâs not so close that you canât do anything about it.
8. What would I do if I wasnât scared?
From a survival perspective, fear has its purpose. Itâs what keeps us from sticking our hand in the washing machine or any of the million other things that could get us hurt or killed. But fear has a tendency to get carried away. Instead of keeping you safe, it keeps you from improving your life and living your dreams.
9. Who has qualities that I aspire to develop?
When people have qualities that you admire, itâs a great exercise to reflect on these qualities and think about ways that you can incorporate them into your repertoire.
10. What problem are we solving?
Have you ever been in a meeting and suddenly realized that not everyone was having the same conversation? Not because people were talking over each other, but because they had different ideas about the purpose of the discussion. Sometimes it helps to put the topic on the whiteboard when youâre having a meeting. This makes certain everyone knows why theyâre there.
11. Whatâs stopping me from doing the things that I should be doing?
Itâs easy to shrug your shoulders and say, âI donât know what to do,â but thatâs just an excuse. Most of the time, we know exactly what we should be doing; we just arenât willing to move the obstacles out of the way.
12. Will you be my mentor?
Itâs an intimidating question to ask, but few people will turn you down. Everyone likes being looked up to, and it feels good to share our knowledge with others.
13. Whatâs the most important lesson Iâve learned so far in life? Am I living that lesson?
Sometimes life lulls us back into complacency and weâre forced to learn a powerful lesson twice. The trouble with this is that itâs just as much of a rude awakening the second time around.
Bringing It All Together
Asking the hard questions can be extremely uncomfortable. But we donât learn and grow by sticking with whatâs comfortable.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Travis Bradberry, Ph.D.
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning coauthor of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and the cofounder of TalentSmartEQÂź the worldâs leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries.
Dr. Bradberry is a LinkedIn Influencer and a regular contributor to Forbes, Inc., Entrepreneur, The World Economic Forum, and The Huffington Post. He has written for, or been covered by, Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Fast Company, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.