Oscar Wilde said, âBe yourself. Everyone else is already taken.â Wilde made it sound so simple, but living with authenticity is a real challenge.
To live authentically, you must own your actions and ensure that they align with your beliefs and needs. This can be a difficult thing to maintain when external forces pressure you to do something youâre not comfortable with or to be someone youâre not.
Most people have experienced the discomfort that comes with failing to behave authentically. Researchers from Harvard, Columbia, and Northwestern joined forces to measure this phenomenon scientifically. They found that when people failed to behave authentically, they experienced a heightened state of discomfort thatâs usually associated with immorality. People who werenât true to themselves were so distraught that they felt a strong desire to cleanse themselves physically.
Itâs clear that our brains know when weâre living a lie, and like all lies, being inauthentic causes nothing but harm. But how do you start living authentically? That can be tough, especially if youâve been playing a role for most of your adult life.
âI had no idea that being your authentic self could make me as rich as Iâve become. If I had, Iâd have done it a lot earlier.â Â âOprah Winfrey
Authentic people are deeply in tune with who they are and what they want. Their ability to live their life in harmony with their true selves comes from some clearly discernible habits that any of us can study and incorporate into our repertoire.
1. They help others to be their authentic selves. Authentic people donât expect others to play a role either. They donât make people feel as though they have to fit into a certain mold or to project a certain image to be a part of their lives. Their commitment to being authentic gives other people the freedom to live authentically too.
2. They let go of negative people. Authentic people have too much self-respect to put up with people who treat them badly or have ill will toward them, and they have too much respect for other people to try to change them. So they let goânot out of anger, but out of their need to be true to themselves.
3. They express their true feelings and opinions, even when theyâre not popular. Authentic people donât live a go-along-to-get-along lifestyle. Theyâre simply not capable of acting in a way thatâs contrary to what their principles dictate, even if there are repercussions. They prefer not to lie to other people, and they especially canât lie to themselves. This means that theyâre willing to live with the repercussions of staying true to themselves.
4. They are confident. Much social anxiety stems from the fear we have of being âfound out.â Weâre afraid that somebody is going to discover that weâre not as smart, experienced, or well-connected as we pretend to be. Authentic people donât have that fear. Their confidence comes from the fact that they have nothing to hide. Who they appear to be is who they really are.
5. They prefer deep conversations to meaningless chatter. Eleanor Roosevelt nailed this one. She once said, âGreat minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.â You wonât find authentic people gossiping about others or giving their opinions on the latest celebrity scandals. They know all of that stuff is nothing more than cultural trappings, and they choose to talk about things that matter.
6. They donât take anyoneâs advice without evaluating it carefully first. Itâs not that authentic people arenât willing to take advice; they are. But they donât put that advice into action just because other people have. First, theyâll run it through the wringer from a critical perspective so that they can be sure it makes sense for them.
7. They donât complain about their problems. Complaining is what you do when you think that the situation youâre in is someone elseâs fault or that itâs someone elseâs job to fix it. Authentic people, on the other hand, are accountable. They understand that theyâand no one elseâare responsible for their own lives, so thereâs no point in complaining.
8. Theyâre internally motivated. Authentic people donât sit at their desks thinking, âWell, if my boss would just make this job worthwhile, Iâd do a better job.â The carrot-and-stick approach just isnât relevant to them. Theyâre motivated from within.
9. They make the best out of any situation. Authentic people have a very firm grasp on reality. When things donât go their way, they donât get trapped in denial, and they donât sit around whining about how things should be different. They simply take stock of the way things are and, if thereâs nothing they can do to change the situation, they figure out a way to make the best of it.
10. They donât get stressed or upset when someone doesnât like them. Itâs never fun accepting that someone doesnât like you, but a lot of times that discomfort comes from trying to figure out what you did wrong or how you can fix it. Authentic people donât have that anxiety because they would never try to change themselves to influence someone elseâs opinion. They accept that other people have a right to be authentic about their own feelings, even if those feelings are negative toward them.
Bringing It All Together
Living authentically is a perpetual challenge that yields great rewards. Itâs a noble path that you wonât regret following.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Travis Bradberry, Ph.D.
Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning coauthor of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and the cofounder of TalentSmartEQÂź the worldâs leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries.
Dr. Bradberry is a LinkedIn Influencer and a regular contributor to Forbes, Inc., Entrepreneur, The World Economic Forum, and The Huffington Post. He has written for, or been covered by, Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Fast Company, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.