Anxious
Set the Temperature with Your First Sentence
WHEN TO USE Use before any potentially tense conversation, feedback, conflict, or a tough email. WHAT TO DO Write your opening sentence as you normally would. Label what it signals to the other person’s nervous system: threat, shame, belonging, or partnership? Rewrite using this frame: “I’m going to be [direct/specific/clear], because I [care about your…
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Credit in Public, Correct in Private
WHEN TO USE Use when you have feedback to give, positive or corrective. WHAT TO DO Praise specifically and visibly; correction belongs in private. Before correcting, check three conditions: Is this person in a state to receive this? Have I chosen a private setting? Am I entering as a partner in their growth, or as…
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Breathe Before the Story
WHEN TO USE Use when you’re about to react to something that feels pointed or threatening. WHAT TO DO Before you decide what the feedback, silence, or message means, take three slow breaths (in through your nose, out through your mouth). Work back through the story: who was there, what happened, what stress did you…
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