If you’re reading this article, it’s likely that you have at least some measure of emotional intelligence. After all, it takes self-awareness, at the very least, to even think you need to read an article about the signs of low emotional intelligence.
No matter where you are on the EQ scale, knowing the signs of low EQ can help you recognize it not only in yourself, but in others as well. Once you know what low EQ looks like, you can learn how to improve your own skills and work with others who lack those skills.
What Are the Main Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence?
We’ll start by discussing the signs of low EQ so you can learn to look out for them.
Emotional intelligence can be broken up into four core components–self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management–so you’ll notice that each of the signs of low emotional intelligence will show a lack of one or more of these components.
- Poor listening skills. People who lack awareness of other people’s feelings and the desire to understand others’ perspectives may be able to hear someone speak, but ultimately they are unable to truly listen. Listening requires setting aside your own needs and showing empathy toward the speaker, both of which require emotional intelligence.
- Poor communication skills. Without awareness of emotions or the language to articulate those emotions, a person with low EQ will struggle to communicate effectively. Lack of self-management can also lead to emotionally-charged communication, which is less effective than the more measured communication of a person who can keep their emotions in check.
- Someone who is unable to recognize how their emotions affect others and lacks the self-awareness to realize when they might be wrong can come across as defensive and even aggressive when conflict arises.
- Conflict avoidance. On the other end of the spectrum are those who refuse to enter into conflict because they lack the self-management and relationship management skills to make it productive. Why talk through something if it’s just going to end poorly like it always does?
- Poor decision-making. Low EQ people often emotionally jump to conclusions and lack the self-awareness to give their thoughts time to develop or consider advice from other people.
- Blame-shifting. When mistakes are made (often from these poor decisions), a person who lacks self-awareness is unable to look inward at how they might have contributed to the mistake. Instead, they look for blame elsewhere, usually putting it on their coworkers.
- Disregard for others’ feelings. Emotional intelligence isn’t just about managing your own emotions–it’s about understanding and dealing with other people’s emotions too. Someone who is unable to recognize, name, and address emotions will rarely take other people’s feelings into consideration when communicating or making decisions.
- Emotional outbursts. If a person is unable to process their emotions, it may seem like they’ve gone away…until they come back with a vengeance. All that pent up emotion can lead to outbursts when everything inside finally boils over.
- Relationship issues. Healthy relationships require honesty, vulnerability, empathy, and mutual support, all of which require self-awareness and social awareness.
- Social isolation. If a person can’t maintain healthy relationships, the inevitable result is social isolation. Unfortunately, social isolation can exacerbate low EQ by removing the best tool for enhancing your emotional intelligence–interacting with other people.
- High levels of stress. It takes emotional intelligence to properly manage stress–whether it’s knowing what causes you stress, emotionally coping with high-pressure situations, resolving conflict, or seeking support from others. Without these supports, stress and anxiety merely multiply over time.
Lack of Emotional Intelligence Examples
Now that we know the signs of low EQ, let’s take a look at some real-world examples of lack of emotional intelligence.
In their book Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Dr. Jean Greaves and Dr. Travis Bradberry quote several pieces of feedback individuals received from coworkers in their Emotional Intelligence Appraisals. Let’s analyze a few of them here.
“On occasion, Tina’s stress and sense of urgency are projected/pushed onto other people. It would be good for her to better understand how her behavior affects others’ work and emotional stress.”
Here we see that Tina lacks the self-awareness to know when her emotions are running high, so instead of processing them internally, she projects her stress onto the people around her. This causes stress in her coworkers and puts strains on her workplace relationships.
“Mei needs to be proactive instead of reactive. In times of crisis, she shouldn’t reveal to everyone how stressed she is…she needs to hold her emotions back when people vent about their own problems in meetings.”
It’s clear that Mei lacks the self-management skills to temper her emotional reactions to situations and other people, inhibiting her ability to lead in times of crisis and help her coworkers manage their own stress.
“Craig needs to listen better. He needs to pay attention to what is being said rather than thinking about what he wants to say…I also wish that he would be more accurate when representing other people’s ideas.”
Craig’s poor social awareness skills prevent him from truly listening to his coworkers and understanding their perspective on things. He is so caught up in his own thoughts that he can’t look outside of himself to pick up on the emotions of the people around him.
“Natalie needs to stop finding faults in every situation. It is tiring and demotivating. She needs to start recognizing people’s achievements. There is a stigma that exists that Natalie is tough, difficult to work for, and unapproachable. She may achieve results, but at the expense of others.”
Natalie lacks key relationship management skills that would allow her to interact positively with her coworkers and motivate people to work harder. Her negative attitude and unwillingness to acknowledge others’ accomplishments hinder her ability to foster the trusting relationships needed to be an impactful leader.
How to Deal with Someone with Low Emotional Intelligence
Interacting with someone who lacks emotional intelligence in the workplace can be frustrating – especially when misunderstandings, defensiveness, or conflict arise. While you can’t control someone else’s EQ, you can control how you engage with them. Here are five ways to use your own emotional intelligence to navigate these dynamics more effectively:
- Set Clear Boundaries Early. People with low EQ may unintentionally overstep, interrupt, or create emotional friction. By clearly and calmly setting boundaries—for example, around communication styles, meeting behavior, or timelines—you create guardrails that prevent resentment and keep interactions more productive.
- Focus on Facts, Not Feelings. Low-EQ individuals often struggle to process emotional nuance. When discussing challenges, lean into objective language: what happened, what the impact was, and what needs to change. This helps reduce emotional defensiveness and keeps the focus on problem-solving.
- Reinforce Positive Behavior. If a low-EQ colleague shows even a small step toward listening, acknowledging others, or regulating their emotions, recognize it. Reinforcing the behavior you want to see can help build new habits and shift the tone of future interactions.
- Manage Expectations Realistically. One of the most freeing EQ moves is releasing unrealistic expectations; unrealistic expectations are really pre-meditated resentments. Don’t expect empathy or deep reflection from someone who hasn’t developed those skills. Instead, focus on what’s possible—mutual respect, clarity, and a shared goal—even if emotional connection isn’t there.
- Protect Your Own Energy. Interacting with emotionally unaware people can be draining. Be sure to schedule meetings with them when you have energy and emotional bandwidth to manage your own emotions well. Also, create space to recover. Take breaks after tense conversations, debrief with someone you trust, or use techniques like breathing exercises to reset. Prioritizing your emotional well-being is a form of EQ too.
EQ Skills for Every Step of the Journey
If you’re dealing with lack of emotional intelligence in the workplace, managing it isn’t your only option. TalentSmartEQ can help you, your team, and your entire organization assess and improve emotional intelligence. We offer a range of EQ solutions, trainer certification programs, coaching, and other resources to help your organization harness the power of EQ. Contact us to find out how to get started.